Bisaya Mode

SNBC.

Walay tulog kay nagduty ko ug ICU.
Natoxic ko sa meds, hago.
After duty, nagreview ko.
Human ug review nag-ulan.
Naulanan ko.
Gigutom ko.
Wala koy kaon.
Wala koy tulog.

Naunsa na? :(

IM DONE.

I never gave myself a chance to be open to someone else about how I feel. I've been discreet for 5days. This is the first time I told my feelings to no one. I tried to hide everything but sad to say I'm good at trying everything but not hiding. WE'RE SO DONE 5 days ago. He hadn't said anything. It hurts. I broke up with him on my birthday, I can't blab something about what happened because everyone's expecting me to be extra, very, so much happy that day. I am not strong and was never been strong to handle my emotions, I'm afraid I might breakdown during a conversation. I'm just projecting a strong personality hoping I might get used to it. After celebrating my birthday with some old friends, I came to my senses that we're done and I must get over it. I cried realizing that I can't be with him on my life's special days, that God did not think of him when He made me and that the guy I'm waiting for all my life is simply not just him.

My heart was crushed and I am finding it hard to put back the pieces and not even a 3 hour play of badminton will make me feel fine. Not even a gallon of ice cream would make me handle the pain. Have you feel that difficult stage of accepting things wherein you need to reorganize your thoughts and start again to basics?

We didn't last long but I know that what I had with him was real. He somehow  made me happy and I don't want to analyze why. Maybe I just really loved him (and now I'm analyzing). 

I am not expecting any chances with us again - not anymore. Second time around is enough - more than enough to make me feel that God had already slapped me in the face telling me that I'm not for him. He got me to feel this pain I could not barely contain to make me realize I don't deserve someone who cannot tell me that everything is gonna be alright.  

Yes, I didn't wait for four years to be just hurt but that four years of waiting made me realize that waiting do no good. It would just make you feel lost and undirected. It would just give you false hopes. 

After this burst out, I'm expecting to be back to my old self. The happy vitamin of those people I love. 

I WANTED TO CUT MY HAIR FAIRLY SHORT. 

STARDUST

I've been dreaming of our relationship for how many years or waiting for it for a long time now. When you asked me if you could court me, I rushed into love thinking a long distance and happy relationship would sound possible because I thought we loved each other well. You just don't know how happy I am when being "Us" became possible. I gave it a try convincing my inner ego this might be our right time. To be fair to myself, I contemplated we would not last long and I am betting that you are  aware of how your actions made you lose me - no texts from you for how many days, you never made my valentine an extraordinary day, you forgot to greet me on my birthday and after that what? You just let me broke up with you. you didn't bother to reply to that long text I've sent to you. You're such a bullshit! It's my birthday today and you ruined it. I was never been good at expressing rage toward other people but I'm good at silent treatment. I did love you and I don't want to hate you in the long run. Maybe we both need this to grow - grow separately. Maybe you can find that girl who would make you feel that she's worth for every sacrifices you made and I guess I am not her. With that ! month I make sure I loved you with all the love I can give. You were once a dream - a dream came into life. You're a distant star I wished to fall but when you did you're only just a stardust. </3

DOLLYTOT

The person that gave you your favorite memory


Just recently Russel Jane Lestojas gave me something I can't afford to lose.  It was just a simple note telling me how she appreciates our friendship that she manage to noticed the unnoticeable parts of me :) I guess, God got dolly to did that to remind me that those simple things about me will always be the greatest things about me <3

BARTIE :)

The last person you made a pinky promise to


Barts: Dili lang jud ko pirmi para sa imo my.
(I'll always be here for you my)


*smile


Me: Dili jud tika malimtan barts. hahahahaha!
(I'll never forget you barts. LAUGH.)

FATHER.

The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to


I always wanted to tell him everything but i think my father and I were just meant to be father and daughter. We can be really close friends but NEVER best friends and that's a good thing you know. hahahahaha He can't make any blah blah blah to me. :D 

Me.

Reflection in the mirror.

Oh pleaaase, smile xejjy. smile!
I just don't feel fine, really.

30 day challenge :)

30 Day Challenge.

Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — Your daughter/son
Day 7 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 8 — Someone who always makes you happy
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Yourself at 13
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The artist who has influenced you most.
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

When Love Hurts..

When will these posts about love end? I told myself not to write anything about this damn but here I go again. :( This is disaster, I needed to write. This is MY blog, anyway.

Never analyzed anything for things fall into their rightful places, if not now then soon THEY WILL. You just have to accept those things you cannot change. God knows I never needed to change you. I know those things I'm searching for are just in you - you're just holding them back.

I would never dare again to contemplate to lose you because I think our time had gone away - so long ago. Between that 4 years, our time had come but we never get a chance to take it on time. we chased it and here we are now, searching for the pieces of the puzzle we've lost LONG AGO. I'd already accepted the fact that nothing stays forever and you won't stay forever.

One of the best feelings is when you find that person whom you can entrust your heart with. Whom you can be comfortable to be transparent and show your best, not-so-best and the lousiest character you have. It's not yet the best feeling.

When love hurts, try to understand that nothing is perfect. Everything has its own way of saying "I exist". Love hurts when it exists.

When love hurts more than it made you happy, let go. Nothing's perfect but anyone could worth staying and fighting for.

Make me fall in love everyday. Make me feel loved by you every single day. Don't you think I deserve those?

I won't bother explaining my feelings to you. If only I'd known your schedule, I might not say yes. Your schedule's consuming your time and I can't compete with that. I can feel that between me and your schedule, I'll lose.

SEND THIS TO HEAVEN.

It's been a year since you passed away. I miss you lola, really. I guess, I'll miss you forever. :'(

I didn't see lolo for a long time now. Sorry for that, sorry If I can't take care of him but I assure you to always check him every now and then. La, please help me to understand things that I shouldn't be worried about.  Yhan has her boyfriend now. Help her to be wise for I can't do that for her. She's not telling anything to me. Maybe she's afraid. La, I do have my boyfriend too. hehe but you've known me all your life. I won't do anything to fail you or anyone in the family. I love you lola. Your other apos  miss you so much. I know la that among us, I had  been your favorite and because of that jumbo thinks you were being unfair:( but Allah knows you're not. You're the best lola in the whole wide universe and I can stand for that. You know what la, even though umi is not saying anything, I can feel it, she misses you more than anyone. 

La, I really wanted to thank you for all the things you've done for us.Sorry if during those times of your illness I were not there taking care of you :(.  Umi called me a while ago and she told me that she will have a kanduli for you. Sorry, I can't be there. I have my review in the morning and will meet a friend later afternoon. I guess, you always have your special way to make me smile and make me feel that I am loved by anyone. Thank you lola. 

I miss you and I love you forever.

DAY 9

9 LOVES


1.GOD. I love Allah more than anyone else. I am a God-oriented person, I prayed not because I am mandated but because I have faith - I believed.


2.FAMILY. Never will I fail them :) They are strength. I soo love them I can sacrifice everything just not to let them down.

3.PARTS. I would never dream of something more than what we have because evrything between us is perfect that anyone would be envious with. *evilgrin* This friendship means a lot to both of us and for that I would never hurt him - not again. hahahaha. LOL.

4.SPIES. My girls. I love them with all my hypothalamus. You just don't know how I miss all of you. :(

5. CHIKADORAS. To the girls I've shared my college life. I loved you all those years and will still love you even after 2011. Dolly, You know you're one of my favorite. Big, My chika buddy. Kissy, My foodie buddy. Jemy, my silent-sweet friend. I love all of you.

6.KANTOBOLS. To the guys I've been comfortable to share my thoughts. You're one of the best guy friends I have. Brats, Taba, Doh, and Pids, you will always be the great kawals of Chikadoras! We love you.

7. TT. To the first guy friend I have in college. Twin Tower, I miss you and you will always be that special as I am to you :)

8. ECHUSERAS. My younger sisters. You know, I love you. It may not be obvious but I treasure all of you a lot. You're one of those reasons why I'm excited to go home after school. :) mwa!

9. ARBEY. Sydkik, You will never be forgotten. You know that you're one of those people I love even before. I hope to get that bear hug when we see each other again.


I LOVE YOU ALL.:)

DAY 8

8 FEARS. *creepy*

1. DEATH. Not yet ready to die. That's all.

2. FAILURE. By all means, I will never fail them. :(

3. LOSING FRIENDS. No man is an island and never will I be an island. 

4. FUTURE. A certain part of the future that I never wanted to happen :'(

5. HOSPITAL. This is soo ironic. I hate hospital. I'm really afraid of being hospitalized.

6. SNAKES. I abhor snakes. :| I think I abhor them because they're really creepy. (the sliminess, ewwww)

7. HIGHWAY. Don't know how to cross the street.

8. ER. Aside from DR, this certain department of the hospital really makes me cry before the duty. 

*senseless fears*

DAY 7

7 WANTS.

1. MONEY.  hahaha Let's get real. I wanted money like money that's not from my parent's pocket/sacrifices/salary.I wanted my own MONEY.

2. CAR. I don't know how to drive but I really wanted to have one. Ambi much I guess.

3. TELESCOPE. hahaha I love astronomy. (laughs)

4. CREDIT CARD. I wanted to experience shopping without any bill in my wallet.

5. HACIENDA. The high school prophecy tells it all.

6. NEW BOOK. I wanted something worthwhile to read.

7. HOUSE AND LOT. I really wanted to have these two before I get married.

hahahahahahahaahahahaaha! This is funny. Like I really have to think deeply just to have this seven wants because I am not really a materialistic girl or a techy kind of person. haha The truth is I'm afraid of new things 'coz I don't know how to operate techys. haha. :D