IM DONE.

I never gave myself a chance to be open to someone else about how I feel. I've been discreet for 5days. This is the first time I told my feelings to no one. I tried to hide everything but sad to say I'm good at trying everything but not hiding. WE'RE SO DONE 5 days ago. He hadn't said anything. It hurts. I broke up with him on my birthday, I can't blab something about what happened because everyone's expecting me to be extra, very, so much happy that day. I am not strong and was never been strong to handle my emotions, I'm afraid I might breakdown during a conversation. I'm just projecting a strong personality hoping I might get used to it. After celebrating my birthday with some old friends, I came to my senses that we're done and I must get over it. I cried realizing that I can't be with him on my life's special days, that God did not think of him when He made me and that the guy I'm waiting for all my life is simply not just him.

My heart was crushed and I am finding it hard to put back the pieces and not even a 3 hour play of badminton will make me feel fine. Not even a gallon of ice cream would make me handle the pain. Have you feel that difficult stage of accepting things wherein you need to reorganize your thoughts and start again to basics?

We didn't last long but I know that what I had with him was real. He somehow  made me happy and I don't want to analyze why. Maybe I just really loved him (and now I'm analyzing). 

I am not expecting any chances with us again - not anymore. Second time around is enough - more than enough to make me feel that God had already slapped me in the face telling me that I'm not for him. He got me to feel this pain I could not barely contain to make me realize I don't deserve someone who cannot tell me that everything is gonna be alright.  

Yes, I didn't wait for four years to be just hurt but that four years of waiting made me realize that waiting do no good. It would just make you feel lost and undirected. It would just give you false hopes. 

After this burst out, I'm expecting to be back to my old self. The happy vitamin of those people I love. 

I WANTED TO CUT MY HAIR FAIRLY SHORT.